The big 3 classic criteria (from Emily and Amelia Nagoski’s 2019 book Burnout):

• Emotional and physical exhaustion - the fatigue that comes from caring too much for too long

• Depersonalization - you’re so emotionally depleted, you lack empathy, caring, and compassion

• Decreased sense of accomplishment - an unconquerable sense of futility: feeling that nothing you do makes a difference

But it looks different on everyone. The bottom line is that it’s your body saying ENOUGH ALREADY. Your nervous system is overwhelmed and all the symptoms we see are actually pieces of information, signals, that parts of you have been asked to do too much for too long and need a break.

A lot of people think burnout comes from a single source - traditionally, your job.

But burnout is your body’s normal, healthy response to a lot of unprocessed stress, from a lot of different places.

Which places? Anywhere there are, for instance,

• Unrealistic expectations to continuously give emotional labor and care for others while neglecting yourself;

• Mismatches between external demands and our capacity to meet them - especially when combined with perfectionism, lack of adequate rest, and systemic inequality;

• Misalignment with values or your unique gifts. You’re a “direct service soul” in a “systems thinking, bottom line” job. You're a structured, linear, routine-oriented thinker in a chaotic, flat-hierarchy startup.

Burnout is your body saying No. Enough. Stop. This isn’t working, I have nothing left to give. You won’t listen to my signals, so we’re shutting this place down.

You wanted to take on yet another new project? Too bad, we’re shutting down your prefrontal cortex and short term memory and yes, your boss will notice.

You wanted to host Christmas Eve dinner for your family of 50 and cook it all yourself because that would save money on catering and let’s be honest you don’t trust a single one of them to Roast a Beast like you do? Think again, you’re going to be glued to the couch until December 23 when you cry into the group text that it’s just not gonna happen this year.

_________

You’ve heard of the fight or flight stress response? When your body senses danger - which, research shows, doesn’t have to actually be dangerous, it’s just anything out of the ordinary - it gets ready to fight, then run if it thinks it can’t fight.

And I mean that in the most literal sense.

A cascade of physiological changes sweep through your body to prime your biggest muscles to MOVE - towards, or away - The New Thing. Anything not involved in the fight or the flight (normal breathing patterns, digestion, wide open vision, critical thinking about other solutions) drops away.

So, if your life is full of stress, your body is full of stress response. What does that feel like every day?

Ironically, at first, it might feel FANTASTIC. Because fight or flight is energizing. It’s adrenaline. It’s exciting. You feel powerful, primed, at attention.

But stress is meant to cycle in and then out of your body. We’re all familiar with the “cycle in” part - life is freaking full of stressors -, but most of us don’t know how to do the “cycle out” part well.

We rely on short-term or maladaptive coping mechanisms (think: scrolling, people-pleasing, another drink), and our logic (“Nothing’s wrong! I’m fine”) but not what it really takes to clear the stress and tell your body it’s safe again.

What it really takes is speaking to your body in a language it understands: body movements and helpful physical signals, creative acts [creativity and anxiety can not physiologically exist in the mind at the same time], and real human connection and affection.

I’m serious. That’s it.

That won’t make the thing that stressed you out go away, but it does make you a LOT better at knowing what to do next so it either doesn’t reappear, or your stress response doesn’t reappear in the same way.

What happens if you don’t clear the emergency juice (as we call it with our kids)?

A bunch of unprocessed stress, even when things feel good, manageable, sometimes GREAT is actually… early burnout.

And what’s burnout proper? It’s when the unprocessed stress piles up so high that your body got the message: fight or flight won’t work, so now we’re going into freeze, or flop.

Power. Down.

If this is you - thank your body. It’s doing exactly what it’s evolved to do to keep you actually safe, and alive.

And also - it’s going to be okay. All of this is reversible. It’s hard to reverse it with the same consciousness that got you here, it’s hard to get out alone, but it’s not permanent.

Burnout, and its symptoms, comes on gradually. They fly under the radar and mask as all kinds of things that look nothing like burnout in the early stages, blinding you from the true source (build up of unprocessed stress from misalignments).

In fact, most people get all the way to late stage burnout without knowing they’re in burnout - because they’re still functioning - going to work, meeting basic obligations - but operating at a fraction of their usual capacity and joy.

Early on, burnout can look like the opposite of burnout: euphoria, hyperfocus, dominant “efficiency” and maximizer mindset, search for control, unsettled fidgety energy, not sleeping but not caring and feeling just fine, thanks.

That’s because our body’s first response to stress is fight or flight - activation. Arousal. Up and GO. The adrenaline and cortisol trigger physiologic responses designed to mask the pain so we can deal with the stressor.

Or, in modern language: so we can keep on doing things beyond our capacity because we, our family, society etc tells us we should.

But then as the unprocessed stress builds, the symptoms become harder to ignore.

Physical:

• Perpetually tired and wired: Sleep disturbances that are no longer “fine”. In fact, the exhaustion is so deep, so persistent that even a full night’s sleep - if you ever got it - doesn’t help.

• Headaches and tense muscles (shoulders, neck, stomach)

• Shallow, chest-led breaths

• Frequent colds

• Climbing heart rate

• Changes in appetite (eating too little, eating too much)

• “Random” health issues popping up or re-ocurring

Emotional:

• A sense of dread about facing another day

• Feeling like you’re operating on “autopilot”

• Snappy, irritability

• Crying more easily or feeling emotionally raw

• In later stages: a sense of emotional numbness or inability to feel joy

• Persistent feeling of being overwhelmed

• Loss of motivation for things you used to care about

Mental / Cognitive Symptoms:

• Difficulty concentrating or brain fog

• Forgetting important tasks or appointments

• Trouble making simple decisions

• Racing thoughts about work/obligations when trying to rest

• Difficulty being present in conversations or activities

• Persistent negative self-talk or self-doubt

• Feeling like you're "going through the motions"

Behavioral Changes:

• Withdrawing from social connections

• Procrastinating more than usual

• Using food, alcohol, or other substances to cope

• Snapping at loved ones or colleagues

• Struggling to maintain basic self-care routines

• Finding it hard to set or maintain boundaries

• Compulsively checking work emails/messages during off hours

Do any of these feel familiar? If so, you may be in later stage burnout.

Everyday stress is a normal response to challenges. It typically resolves once the stressor - the big deadline, early newborn cluster feeding hell, the holiday season - ends or is addressed.

It's temporary, manageable through regular coping mechanisms, leaves little emotional residue other than the confidence that we can make it through hard things .

Burnout, however, persists even when the stressor is gone. It’s the result of chronic stress built up in our bodies over time, and can .

1. Emotional exhaustion - feeling depleted beyond just being tired

2. Decreased sense of accomplishment - feeling like nothing you do makes a difference

3. Depersonalization - emotional distancing from your work/life/relationships

What makes burnout unique is that it specifically results from persistent, unresolved stress cycles combined with feeling that your efforts aren't making meaningful progress. Burnout is the result of pushing through stress without completing the stress cycle - that is, without allowing your body and minds to return to a baseline state of safety.

Or maybe it’s both! I bet that wasn’t the answer you were hoping for.

But because they are two different concepts, they can co-occur. And because they contribute to each other, they co-occur regularly, which is why coaching pairs so well with therapy, when therapy is needed.

So how are they different? How do you know if you’ve got one, or both?

• Burnout is a normal response to chronic, significant unprocessed stress.

• Clinical depression is a medical condition that can occur independent of external stressors.

While burnout and depression can share some symptoms (like fatigue and hopelessness), depression typically involves more pervasive changes in mood, appetite, sleep, and thought patterns across all areas of life, not just in response to ongoing stressors.

Depression also often requires medical intervention, while burnout primarily requires addressing the incomplete stress cycles and underlying systemic issues causing them.