The 'If I Just...' Trap: Escaping Workplace Burnout in Layoff Season
In a world of never-ending layoffs and "do more with less" mandates, your exhaustion isn't a personal failing. It's a predictable response to a broken system.
The Gaslighting of the American Worker
Let me guess:
You wake up exhausted, having spent half the night mentally rehearsing your to-do list and replaying that weird comment your boss made during your last one-on-one.
You scroll through work emails before your feet hit the floor, strategizing how to manage the day's fires before you've even brushed your teeth.
You rush to make yourself "at least top half camera ready" for the first Zoom call, where someone inevitably says, "The work hasn't changed", and "We need to do more with less," while everyone nods gravely, as though this is both reasonable and possible.
You skip lunch to "catch up," knowing full well that "caught up" is a mythical state you haven't experienced since 2019, at best.
You feel guilty about not giving enough to your family, your work, yourself.
You wonder, late at night, if maybe you're just not cut out for this. If maybe you're just not tough enough. Smart enough. Productive enough.
You're not alone.
And more importantly: You're not the problem.
The Great American Burnout Factory
Here's what workplaces across America are experiencing right now:
76% of employees report experiencing burnout at least sometimes
Burnout costs U.S. employers an estimated $125-190 billion in healthcare spending annually — and that’s just direct burnout costs, let alone overall healthcare, which rises as burnout spiderwebs into long-term chronic conditions. In fact, GM spends more on healthcare than steel; Starbucks spends more on healthcare than coffee beans
The current wave of layoffs means remaining employees are doing 2-3 people's jobs
Economic uncertainty has people clinging to toxic jobs out of financial necessity
The "if you don't like it, leave" solution rings hollow when new jobs are scarce
In the words of burnout researcher Christina Maslach, "The problem with burnout is not the people - it's the workplace."
Yet the American response to this epidemic is downright bizarre.
The Pizza Party Approach to Systemic Collapse
When faced with a workforce crumbling under impossible demands, American companies typically respond with:
Lunch-hour meditation classes you're too busy to attend
Wellness apps with gamified rewards you don't have the energy to download or track
"Resilience training" that teaches you to bend further before breaking
Employee assistance programs and mental health resources that place the burden of recovery on you
Pizza parties that somehow fail to solve systemic overwork
It's like treating a staph infection with a Band-Aid and wondering why the patient isn't getting better.
As Brigid Schulte writes in her groundbreaking book "Overwork," the United States and European countries often take different approaches to workplace burnout. While individual variations exist across both regions, there are notable differences in the predominant frameworks.
A Tale of Two Approaches: Individual vs. Systemic Responses
In many U.S. workplaces, burnout is frequently framed as an individual problem requiring individual solutions. In contrast, many European countries approach psychosocial work stress as a workplace hazard requiring systemic intervention.
The difference in these predominant approaches is significant:
In many European countries, employers bear greater responsibility for creating safe working conditions, supported by stronger regulatory frameworks and cultural expectations. In the U.S., employees often shoulder more responsibility for adapting to challenging workplace conditions.
A 2022 study by the World Health Organization found that long working hours contribute to 745,000 deaths annually from stroke and heart disease globally. Countries with stronger work-hour protections tend to have better health outcomes.
However, it's important to note that burnout exists everywhere. No country or system has eliminated it entirely. European workers still experience burnout, and many American companies have excellent workplace practices. The difference lies in the prevailing cultural attitudes and regulatory frameworks that shape the typical response.
The "If I Just..." Trap
The most insidious part of burnout culture is what I call the "If I Just..." trap.
It sounds like this:
"If I just got up an hour earlier..."
"If I just organized my time better..."
"If I just learned to prioritize..."
"If I just wasn't so sensitive..."
"If I just worked harder..."
This endless self-optimization loop keeps you blaming yourself for problems that aren't yours to fix. It's a form of internalized gaslighting that makes you believe your burnout is a personal failure rather than a predictable response to an impossible situation.
And it's costing you way more than you know —financially, emotionally, and physically.
The Real Price of "Resilience"
The physical toll of chronic workplace stress includes:
Cardiovascular disease
Compromised immune function
Digestive disorders
Sleep disruption
Chronic inflammation
Accelerated aging
The psychological impact is equally devastating:
Anxiety and depression
Emotional numbness
Cognitive fog and difficulty concentrating
Cynicism and detachment
Loss of purpose and meaning
Strained personal relationships
According to research published in PLOS ONE, burnout increases the risk of coronary heart disease by 79% - comparable to widely established risk factors like smoking, diabetes, and physical inactivity.
As Emily and Amelia Nagoski explain in their book "Burnout," your body keeps the score. No amount of positive thinking can override the biological reality of a chronically activated stress response.
Yet in layoff-era America, with jobs scarce and competition fierce, we've been conditioned to believe we should be grateful for the opportunity to sacrifice our health on the altar of employment.
The Systemic Approach: Beyond Individual Coping
In countries and companies that take a more systemic approach to workplace wellbeing:
Workload is managed at an organizational level, not left to individual "time management"
Rest is enforced through policies and cultural norms, not treated as a luxury
Disconnection is protected through right-to-disconnect laws and true vacation
Psychological safety is considered as important as physical safety
Prevention is prioritized over remediation
Let me be clear: Europeans still get burned out. But the employer and regulatory response is often systemic change, not individual blame.
One of my dearest clients, Clara, works in Sweden, a paragon of balance and family leave. Swedes get 480 days of leave shared among parents, grandparents and even friends; universal childcare and healthcare; and a vacation stipend — 12% of their annual salary as a bonus for spending on their mandatory 5+ weeks of already paid vacation.
Is your jaw on the floor? Because mine is just writing that sentence.
But Clara is not a Swedish citizen, she's from the UK and works for a huge multi-national company. Clara is excellent at her job, has the perfect professional background for the specific work, in a way no one else in her company really is. She cares deeply about her company, her performance, about her high standards. So when Clara was offered a big dream job that turned out to be poorly supported, that was actually an inheritance of the previous leader's mismanagement, she burned out. Hard.
And blamed herself.
Recovery came after months of intentional, comprehensive rest and "inside job" work, which also included recognizing what she, and other employees, need to succeed: she had too many direct reports before; she had impossible expectations; political infighting was rampant and toxic; she needed mentors and advocates at the highest levels, not to be flung out to sea with a pat on the back and "confidence she would figure it out."
When she returned, she made her case for systemic change as a condition of return, and… here's the difference, her division has adopted many of her changes, because there is a culture of employers taking responsibility for safe working conditions or, in some cases like with Renault and French Telecom, facing criminal charges
It's a bell curve, just like in the US: burnout still happens. But the average worker experience is far more supported, and the response to burnout, when it occurs, is a combination of individual and systemic changes.
Research from the OECD shows that countries with stronger workplace protections tend to show higher productivity per hour worked. It turns out human beings perform better when they're not exhausted, anxious, and resentful.
Breaking Free: A Multi-Level Approach to Burnout Recovery
This blog outlines solutions at multiple levels because true burnout recovery requires action at each:
Individual strategies - immediate survival tactics
Manager/leader practices - creating "islands of sanity"
Organizational systems - employer-level changes
Regulatory frameworks - government and policy solutions
Let's begin with what you can do as an individual, while acknowledging this alone isn't enough.
Step 1: Recognize the Gaslighting
The first step to freedom is recognizing when you're being gaslit.
When your workload has doubled due to layoffs, but your capacity hasn't, that's not a time management problem. It's a resource allocation problem.
When you're expected to be instantly responsive across multiple communication channels while also producing deep work, that's not a focus problem. It's a contradictory expectations problem.
When your company preaches wellness while rewarding overwork, that's not a self-care opportunity. It's cognitive dissonance.
When you're asked to produce results but have no budget to affect change, that's not inefficacy — you're underresourced for the job.
When you're unable to show up with a clear mind, "eyes on the prize", full of rational thinking, long-term planning capacity, and emotional fortitude amid cascades of layoffs and change, dwindling budgets, an anemic job market, rising prices of housing, food, childcare, health care and all the internal household stress that comes from this deep uncertainty — you're having a proportionate and reasonable response to emotional, economic, and existential uncertainty.
It makes sense.
Name these contradictions. See them clearly. Stop internalizing them as personal failings.
Step 2: Complete the Stress Cycle
As the Nagoski sisters teach in "Burnout," stress itself isn't the problem—it's getting stuck in an incomplete stress cycle.
Your body's stress response evolved to help you escape physical threats. Once safe, you're supposed to complete the cycle through physical movement, emotional expression, and social connection.
But modern work stress never ends. There's no biological signal that the threat has passed, so your body remains in a state of high alert.
To break this cycle:
Move your body daily - Even 10 minutes helps signal safety
Connect meaningfully with others - Human connection is a biological necessity
Cry when you need to - Emotional expression releases stress hormones
Create clear endings to your workday - Ritual helps your body recognize "safe now"
Prioritize sleep - Sleep deprivation makes everything worse
None of these solve the systemic problems causing your stress, but they prevent the stress from becoming locked in your body.
Step 3: Practice Radical Self-Compassion
Self-compassion expert Kristin Neff explains that true self-compassion isn't about bubble baths and chocolate (though those are lovely). It's about relating to yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a good friend.
When you're drowning in work, you wouldn't tell a friend, "If you just managed your time better, you wouldn't be in this mess." You'd say, "That sounds overwhelming. Anyone would struggle with that. How can I help?"
Offer yourself that same compassion.
Self-compassion includes three elements:
Self-kindness vs. self-judgment
Common humanity vs. isolation
Mindfulness vs. over-identification
When you catch yourself in the "If I just..." loop, try:
"This is really hard right now. Many people are struggling with similar challenges. How can I support myself in this moment?"
This isn't about letting yourself "off the hook." It's about acknowledging reality and responding with wisdom rather than internalized cruelty.
Step 4: Embrace "Good Enough"
In her book "The Good Enough Job," Simone Stolzoff challenges the American obsession with finding fulfillment through work.
The truth is, sometimes a job is just a job—and that's okay.
In a layoff economy, perfectionism is a liability. It burns precious energy you don't have to spare. Instead:
Identify the truly essential aspects of your work
Do those well enough
Let go of the rest
This isn't about doing shoddy work. It's about recognizing that "perfect" is the enemy of both "done" and "sustainable."
Ask yourself: "Will anyone notice or care if this isn't flawless?" If the answer is no, stop polishing and move on.
Step 5: Set Boundaries Even When Scared
Setting boundaries during uncertain economic times feels terrifying. You don't want to be the "difficult" employee when layoff lists are being drafted.
But boundaries don't have to be dramatic confrontations. Small, consistent actions can protect your wellbeing without putting a target on your back:
Delay response to non-urgent messages
Block focus time on your calendar
Say "I'll need to check my calendar" before committing
Use templates to save emotional labor
Push back on scope creep with "I can do X or Y by Friday, but not both. Which would you prefer?"
Remember: boundaries aren't just good for you—they're good for your relationships and your work. Quality suffers when you're stretched too thin.
For Leaders: Creating Islands of Sanity
If you manage people during these difficult times, you have a unique opportunity to create what management expert Margaret Wheatley calls "islands of sanity"—pockets of humane practice within a dysfunctional system.
You may not be able to change your entire organization, but you can influence your immediate sphere:
1. Stop the Pretense
Your team knows the situation is difficult. Pretending everything is fine while piling on more work creates cognitive dissonance that accelerates burnout.
Instead, acknowledge reality: "I know we're all carrying heavy workloads since the reorganization. I'm committed to making this as manageable as possible."
Share as much information as you possibly can: people will create stories in the absence of information, and they won't be good stories. The stories are another hit to their morale, their productivity, their sense of rising threat.
Real information, even tough information, even "I don't know" information quells the story gremlins and breeds trust in you.
2. Eliminate the Unnecessary
The most powerful question you can ask isn't "How can we do more with less?" but "What can we stop doing entirely?"
Which meetings could be emails?
Which reports are created but never meaningfully used?
Which processes exist solely because "we've always done it that way"?
Which perfectionist standards could be relaxed without real consequence?
Every task you eliminate creates breathing room that improves performance on what truly matters.
3. Create True Downtime
The human brain needs recovery periods to be at its most productive.
Vacations can be cumbersome to prepare for, hard to accommodate when they happen, and require a catch up period when the person returns. It's not ideal in the short term, which is why LOTS of people leave their (minimal!) vacation time unused. But the most productive teams — the ones who produce the most!! — are also the ones who take real, long, work-free vacations.
It's not just the two week beach trip or staycation. It's also daily rhythms of productivity.
Humans are adapted to certain rhythms — seasons, daily circadian rhythms, and 90-minute productivity cycles called ultradian rhythms. We're meant to function in sustained bursts, and then breathe. 90 minutes of true focused attention on, and some minutes — 10, 20, 30+ "off" — about 3-4 times in a row, and then we're cooked for the day.
That's about an eight hour work day, but not 8 straight hours of work.
Allow yourself and your team the ability to honor these natural seasons, cycles, and rhythms so they can show up as their best selves.
Protect your team's ability to rest:
Model appropriate disconnection
Don't send emails outside working hours
Discourage vacation martyrdom
Create "no-meeting" blocks
Celebrate rest as a productivity strategy, not a weakness
4. Make It Safe to Struggle
Teams perform better when people can admit challenges without fear of judgment.
Create psychological safety by:
Acknowledging your own struggles and mistakes
Rewarding honesty about capacity
Treating perfectionism as a risk factor, not a virtue
Celebrating boundaries as professional maturity
Remember: your team is watching what you do, not what you say. If you preach self-care while sending midnight emails, guess which message they'll internalize.
The Employer's Role: Systemic Solutions for Sustainable Work
While individual and managerial strategies can create temporary relief, true burnout prevention requires organizational commitment. Here's what forward-thinking employers can implement:
1. Workload Management Systems
Implement capacity planning that accounts for the human cost of work, not just hours
Establish clear processes for redistributing work when positions are eliminated
Create feedback mechanisms that identify when teams are consistently overloaded
Monitor overtime patterns and intervene when they signal systemic issues
Companies like Basecamp have implemented strict 32-hour workweeks and no-meeting days to protect focused work time, reporting higher productivity and retention despite fewer working hours.
2. Structural Support for Recovery
Enforce minimum vacation usage (not just offering it)
Implement email blackout periods during nights/weekends
Create company-wide "slow down" periods where only essential work continues
Establish meeting-free blocks across the organization
Buffer, the social media management company, offers a 4-day workweek and has documented improved team happiness and sustained productivity.
3. Redesign Performance Metrics
Measure quality and impact rather than hours worked or "presence"
Evaluate managers on team wellbeing, not just output
Reward collaboration rather than heroic individual effort
Include sustainability in success criteria for projects
Microsoft Japan tested a four-day workweek and found productivity jumped 40%, showing how misaligned many traditional performance metrics are.
4. Create Psychological Safety
Train managers to recognize and respond to burnout warning signs
Create communication channels for employees to safely express workload concerns
Make workplace mental health a strategic priority with executive accountability
Normalize and destigmatize work-life boundaries at all levels
According to Google's Project Aristotle research, psychological safety is the single most important factor in team effectiveness.
5. Acknowledge and Support Neurodiversity
Recognize that neurodivergent employees may be more susceptible to burnout and need different support systems
Create workspaces that minimize sensory overload
Allow for flexible work arrangements that accommodate different cognitive processing styles
Provide clear, explicit expectations rather than relying on unspoken social norms
Research shows that neurodivergent individuals often experience burnout differently and may require specialized support for recovery.
6. Flexible Work Arrangements
Implement truly flexible schedules that focus on outcomes, not hours
Allow for hybrid or remote options when possible
Create accommodations for caregiving responsibilities
Normalize different work patterns based on individual productivity cycles
A 2023 Gallup study found that flexible work arrangements increase employee engagement and reduce burnout risk.
Government Solutions: Policy Approaches to Workplace Health
For those with influence in policy spheres, systemic change also requires governmental action. Here are approaches that have shown promise:
1. Right-to-Disconnect Legislation
Countries like France, Spain, and Portugal have implemented right-to-disconnect laws that protect employees from after-hours work communications. These laws recognize that constant connectivity erodes the boundary between work and personal life.
2. Working Time Directives
The European Union's Working Time Directive limits the workweek to 48 hours and mandates rest periods, creating structural protection against overwork. Similar protections could be implemented in other regions.
3. Paid Leave Requirements
The United States is the only developed nation without mandated paid maternity leave. Stronger leave policies, including parental, medical, and vacation leave, create necessary space for recovery and life balance.
4. Workplace Stress as a Safety Issue
Some jurisdictions, like Quebec in Canada, recognize psychological health as part of workplace safety regulations, requiring employers to assess and mitigate psychosocial risks just as they would physical hazards.
5. Healthcare System Reforms
Universal healthcare systems remove the employment-healthcare link that keeps many workers trapped in toxic jobs. Countries with universal healthcare report lower levels of job lock and greater worker mobility.
The Burnout-Proof Career: Long-Term Strategies
While immediate survival strategies are essential, long-term resilience requires more fundamental changes to how you approach your relationship with work.
1. Develop Career Mobility
Even if you're staying put for now, actively developing your options creates psychological freedom:
Nurture your professional network
Keep skills updated
Save an emergency fund
Know your market value
Having options doesn't mean you have to take them—but knowing they exist reduces the trapped feeling that accelerates burnout.
Consider using tiny career experiments that fit into your already busy life to explore possibilities without overwhelming yourself.
2. Diversify Your Identity
If your entire sense of self is wrapped up in your job, professional setbacks become existential threats.
Cultivate multiple sources of meaning and identity:
Relationships outside your industry
Hobbies unrelated to your skills
Community involvement
Learning for its own sake
As Brené Brown says, "I am not what I do. I am what I bring to what I do." Know the difference.
3. Practice Preemptive Recovery
Don't wait until you're fully burned out to recover. Build recovery into your regular rhythm:
Daily: Short breaks, physical movement
Weekly: True disconnection time
Monthly: Full days of restoration
Annually: Proper vacations
Recovery isn't a luxury—it's maintenance. You wouldn't expect your phone to function without charging it; don't expect that of yourself.
4. Use the FLOURISH Method
For a comprehensive approach to burnout recovery, consider following the FLOURISH method:
Forgiving radical compassion
Limiting inputs
Observing your patterns
Using targeted rest
Reframing expectations
Identifying values
Seeking connection
Harboring boundaries
This systematic approach addresses both immediate recovery needs and long-term sustainability.
5. Choose Environments Wisely
When you do have the option to move, evaluate potential workplaces for burnout risk factors:
How do people talk about time off?
When do leaders send emails?
How are boundaries treated?
What happens when someone says "no"?
Who gets promoted and why?
Culture reveals itself in small moments. Pay attention.
The Broader Vision: Changing the System
Individual survival strategies are necessary but insufficient. True change requires collective action and systemic redesign across multiple levels - from individual practices to governmental policy.
For Organizations
The business case for preventing burnout is overwhelming:
Burnout costs billions in lost productivity, turnover, and healthcare
Companies with healthy cultures outperform their competitors by 3.8 times revenue growth
Talent increasingly prioritizes wellbeing over compensation
Forward-thinking organizations are implementing:
Workload management systems that prevent overallocation
Meeting policies that protect focus time
Communication norms that respect boundaries
Recognition systems that reward sustainable performance
Leadership development that prioritizes people over output
These changes don't require massive financial investment—just the courage to challenge "the way things are done."
For Employees
Collective action creates change:
Share salary information to ensure fair compensation
Discuss workload openly to reveal systemic problems
Support colleagues who set boundaries
Recognize that your struggle isn't unique or personal
Use the Glass Ball Method to identify what truly can't be dropped and what can bounce
The first step toward change is refusing to accept the unacceptable as normal.
Parenting in Burnout Culture: Breaking the Cycle
As parents, we have the opportunity to raise children with healthier relationships to work than we had.
Here's what I tell my kids that would have blown my ten-year-old mind:
"The whole point is to get to know yourself." Career exploration isn't about finding one perfect job but discovering what environments allow you to thrive.
"You'll likely have many careers, not just one." The days of 40 years at one company are long gone. Adaptability is more valuable than specific skills.
"A good-enough job that enables a full life elsewhere can be better than a 'dream job' that consumes you." Work is just one part of a meaningful life.
"Every job has parts you won't like." The art is distinguishing between normal challenges and soul-crushing misery.
"Relationships matter more than degrees." Technical skills get you hired; people skills get you promoted.
"Kind people with strong boundaries go further than brilliant jerks." Despite what TV shows suggest, interpersonal skills matter enormously.
If you're struggling with parent burnout, know that you're dealing with a double burden that requires specialized approaches and compassion.
These conversations prepare children for the realities of work without passing on our burnout legacy.
Conclusion: From "If I Just..." to "We Must"
The toxic "If I just..." mentality keeps you trapped in a cycle of self-blame for problems you didn't create and can't solve alone.
True liberation comes from recognizing that while you can (and should) take steps to protect yourself, the ultimate solution isn't individual but collective.
We must:
Reject the normalization of overwork
Question the glorification of "hustle"
Challenge systems that treat burnout as collateral damage
Support each other in setting sustainable boundaries
Advocate for workplaces designed for humans, not machines
If you've recently experienced a layoff, remember that this forced pause—while painful—can become an opportunity to reevaluate your relationship with work and discover a better next step.
Until then, be gentle with yourself. You're not lazy, uncommitted, or inadequate. You're a human being trying to function in a system that often doesn't account for your humanity.
That's not a personal failing. It's a design flaw.
And it's not yours to fix alone.
Are your people struggling with burnout? Is your organization losing talent and productivity to a culture of overwork? I help individuals and companies navigate the burnout epidemic through evidence-based interventions that improve wellbeing AND performance. Schedule a discovery session to see if working together would be the right next step, or inquire about workplace training and speaking opportunities.
